Stupid, STUPID people…

The rediculous list continues.  Entry number three:

Joel:  Good afternoon McKinney.  May I help you?

(Silence)

J:  Hello?

Crazy Lady:  Yes, what’s the zip code for North Carolina?

J:  Did you just ask what the zip code for North Carolina is?

CL:  Yes.

J:  There are lots of zip codes in North Carolina.  Did you happen to have a city in mind?

CL:  Oh!  Yes, Raleigh.

J:  Actually, Raleigh has many zip codes.  We’re located in Durham would you like that one?

CL:  Sure.

J:  27701.

CL:  That’s the zip code for Durham?!

J:  That’s one of them.

CL:  I’m trying to Reach McKinley and Silver, an advertising agency.

J:  This is McKinney and Silver.

CL:  OH!!  Could I Please speak with Regina Gibson…. or Brigola? (Please note:  Her last name is Brizzolara)

Have a nice day.

Feel smart.

the rediculous list

Entry number one:

Lady calls, and I shall try to type out a reenactment, saying:  “Um… hi.  I’m calling about the ‘breast feeding article’ … uh, I wanted to know what went wrong.  Oh, I’m from the LA Times.” 

What went wrong???????????????????????????

  __________________________________________

Entry number two (thirty seconds later):

Man calls:  “Hey.  Could I speak with Piglet Esthner?” 

Joel: “I’m sorry. I don’t have that name on my list.” 

What else was I supposed to say??  Try calling Christopher Robin?? 

STIR publicity

Stir in the DTH:

LGBT night life continues to evolve

beautiful C.H./ugly Raleigh

Congratulations Chapel Hill you are much more attractive than Raleigh. There is no excuse for some of the people I have seen in downtown Raleigh. A few weekends ago, I made my way out there with some old friends to catch up and have a grand ol’ time. Which we did. But it would have been so much more glorious had my eyes not been scarred by all the leftovers from 1990. There were way to many females with the poofy hair that I remember from the 90s and way to many people who looked like they could be 90.

Now, I realize that Chapel Hill is a college town, and there is a much higher concentration of youth, but damn. Even when you’re not 20, you can still look good. Now. I will say that there were plenty of people out with far greater style and looked a heck of a lot better than some of the people I see out in C.H. I get tired of seeing the same clothes on 30 different people. At least the non-ugly Raleigh people are taking it a step further.

It’s a happy medium here in Chapel Hill. Now if we could only burn all of the boat shoes and shirts tucked into shorts.

Britney/Alicia: singles

Why am I choosing Britney over Alicia Keys?  I’m not asking this rhetorically.  Someone please explain this fucking shit to me.  What the hell is going on in my mind right now.  I feel so betrayed by my own senses.

Britney: Gimme More

Alicia: No One

What in the good fucking crap of the world is going on?!?  I blame it on expectation.  Everyone expects gold from Alicia Keys.  Everyone expected crap from Britney Spears.  Now I won’t call ‘Gimme More’ gold, but I’d dance the fuck out of it in a club.  I would, however, turn the station if I heard ‘No One.’  Or purposefully crash my car.

To Britney:  Introducing oneself followed by ‘bitch’ has been done a fabillion times.  First by Dave Chapelle.  Then the other fabillion minus 1 times by every frat boy on that cruise I went on in 2004.  And look at what happened to Dave.  But you already went fucking crazy.  So Ima stop.

To Alicia:  I’m not angry.  I’m not, I swear.  Sure, you can try to sing bad on purpose because you want to capture the Lauren Hill MTV unplugged sound.  I have to say though, not a great move.  After that live performance, I think Lauren ended up hanging herself by her dread locks.  Also, the synthesized accordion… No.

Massages and chocolate

This a quick list of what my job does for its employees.  Keep in mind, I’m at the front desk so i don’t get to walk off at any time to enjoy these things.

Everyday privileges (free):

• 25 cent soft drinks  (free if you’re in office services–>me)
• ping pong
• foosball
• XBox
• 2:00 snack (chocolate, fruit, fancy cheese… depending on the day)

Weekly perks (at a price):

• dry cleaning service
• massage ($1/min)
• car wash (from just a wash to full detailing)
• Pub Thursdays: beer on tap. Served at 4:30.

And just as a welcome to the office, my department is going bowling on Friday at 12 noon.  Where there will be drinking… I hope.

Why I won’t be famous

Well, I certainly won’t have a career in the film or music industry, but that wouldn’t have stopped me from living vicariously through other, more talented people.

My friend Bibis, who is a first-rate trained singer and performer, did not make the cut for American Idol. A part of me didn’t actually see it happening for her to make the TV show because that just doesn’t happen to real people in my mind. But the truth is she’s actually really good. She went to some art academy and trained to sing and do all that musical crap (note: crap does not indicate an opinion, only that I am bitter because I am not musical).

It’s been a couple of years since I actually watched the show, but from what I remember, the people who make it are nothing too special except for a few (usually one of them being the future winner). But maybe things have changed. Maybe enough people like Bibis, people with acutal talent, are trying out for the show. Maybe the bar is higher now. It must be. Because the last time I watched, I saw Fantasia win against that girl who looked like she trained with a car radio and the acoustics in her shower.

Click here to listen to pretty sounds from Bibis.

She definitely doesn’t do pop…. maybe that was the problem.

The DJ Crush.

I thought the DJ at Stir was hitting on me last night. It turns out that he’s interested in a friend who we will call S., who is also, in fact, not male. I was a little taken aback when ‘Kevin’ introduced himself to me, but he seemed a decent fellow. And more importantly, he was the guy behind the turn tables. The one who makes or breaks our musical evening.

The night was very enjoyable over all. I met Max and Andy and Jared. All of whom I’d seen at Stir before, but I never introduced myself. During one break from the floor, I snuck off to the side of the bar and waited for Caleb to come serve me a drink (the other bartender was not cute at all). And that’s when Kevin came up to me and told me he was a fan of S.

I was already a little drunk, so I actually had to imagine him with his head cocked to the side pinning earphones between the side of his head and his shoulder to recognize him.

He told me he was into S. and thought she was hot. I can’t quite make the connection to how he could know her. I don’t think S. has been to Stir at all. Maybe I’m just behind the times and she showed up on one weekend when I wasn’t there.

But Stir was off last night. The drinks were right, the people were right, but there was way too much techno playing and I only danced a few songs. Now, Kevin and I are obviously best friends. I’m willing to bet the DJ will play whatever the fuck I want if I convince S. to come to Stir. This pleases me greatly. We’ll see if she’s into this little game. Man. This is starting to sound way too diabolical…

…I guess I could just talk Jermaine into convincing Kevin to play better music. But that’s much less interesting than the story I just told.

 

The one the only.

Clearly spectacular

After four interviews and a phone screening, I’ve gotten the job at McKinney. You wouldn’t think they would take so much time to hire a receptionist. I am very happy to have a job since I had turned my two weeks in without having one lined up. A little sketchy, but I guess that tells you how much I was ready to get out of retail. I swear to god, if I make anything out of myself it will be a true success story: “College drop out, who was stuck in retail, thrilled to be hired to answer phones at the age of 24–Surprised by his success in porn.”

The celebration that followed yesterday evening was spectacular. Not only did we celebrate the new job, but Brandon turned 19. It was interesting sneaking him into bars, and his small stature was surprisingly not a problem. I think one highlight may have been when he carried two Bud Lite tallboys out onto the dance floor–twice. He was heavily intoxicated by the end.

Angie and Tina came and I got to make up for the mistake of missing Family Dinner on so many occasions. I think the sweat I poured out on dance floor more than makes up for my non-presence over the past few Mondays. I am wrong? I don’t know which of you came first, but the chicken and the egg definitely weren’t there, so they’re not even under consideration. Also, I don’t fuck with chickens or eggs.

in my grill/on the back of his head

Why do people insist on being so aggressive in line? I’m in Target today buying wine (Which I am enjoying now coincidentally), and while I’m beginning to swipe my credit card as the cashier rings me up, I’m chatting with the people who have finished checking out (the kid in front of me had his name shaved into the back of his head… i loved it.) I told “Jamie” that I liked his hair cut, and I wasn’t paying attention to the people behind me or to the cashier for that matter.

The cashier was running the conveyor belt as the people behind me approached. The woman next in line placed her microwave dinners and deodorant on the conveyor belt all of six inches away from the scanning area, and, needless to say, all up in my grill. Not only was she standing uncomfortably close, but she was literally putting her stuff on the conveyor belt inches away from the cashier. Isn’t the point of the conveyor belt to bring items at a distance a little closer? The real point being that each customer should be at a distance from one another.

I laughed as the Target cashier struggled to bag my wine and stop the conveyor belt from pushing the Lean Cuisine onto the scanner. I have to admit, she was close enough that I felt a little self conscious turning and looking at her to see what type of person would get so freakin’ close while waiting in line. The lady was close enough that I was embarrassed to look at her.

Note to self: personal space is a valued commodity.