Britney/Alicia: singles

Why am I choosing Britney over Alicia Keys?  I’m not asking this rhetorically.  Someone please explain this fucking shit to me.  What the hell is going on in my mind right now.  I feel so betrayed by my own senses.

Britney: Gimme More

Alicia: No One

What in the good fucking crap of the world is going on?!?  I blame it on expectation.  Everyone expects gold from Alicia Keys.  Everyone expected crap from Britney Spears.  Now I won’t call ‘Gimme More’ gold, but I’d dance the fuck out of it in a club.  I would, however, turn the station if I heard ‘No One.’  Or purposefully crash my car.

To Britney:  Introducing oneself followed by ‘bitch’ has been done a fabillion times.  First by Dave Chapelle.  Then the other fabillion minus 1 times by every frat boy on that cruise I went on in 2004.  And look at what happened to Dave.  But you already went fucking crazy.  So Ima stop.

To Alicia:  I’m not angry.  I’m not, I swear.  Sure, you can try to sing bad on purpose because you want to capture the Lauren Hill MTV unplugged sound.  I have to say though, not a great move.  After that live performance, I think Lauren ended up hanging herself by her dread locks.  Also, the synthesized accordion… No.

Why I won’t be famous

Well, I certainly won’t have a career in the film or music industry, but that wouldn’t have stopped me from living vicariously through other, more talented people.

My friend Bibis, who is a first-rate trained singer and performer, did not make the cut for American Idol. A part of me didn’t actually see it happening for her to make the TV show because that just doesn’t happen to real people in my mind. But the truth is she’s actually really good. She went to some art academy and trained to sing and do all that musical crap (note: crap does not indicate an opinion, only that I am bitter because I am not musical).

It’s been a couple of years since I actually watched the show, but from what I remember, the people who make it are nothing too special except for a few (usually one of them being the future winner). But maybe things have changed. Maybe enough people like Bibis, people with acutal talent, are trying out for the show. Maybe the bar is higher now. It must be. Because the last time I watched, I saw Fantasia win against that girl who looked like she trained with a car radio and the acoustics in her shower.

Click here to listen to pretty sounds from Bibis.

She definitely doesn’t do pop…. maybe that was the problem.

in my grill/on the back of his head

Why do people insist on being so aggressive in line? I’m in Target today buying wine (Which I am enjoying now coincidentally), and while I’m beginning to swipe my credit card as the cashier rings me up, I’m chatting with the people who have finished checking out (the kid in front of me had his name shaved into the back of his head… i loved it.) I told “Jamie” that I liked his hair cut, and I wasn’t paying attention to the people behind me or to the cashier for that matter.

The cashier was running the conveyor belt as the people behind me approached. The woman next in line placed her microwave dinners and deodorant on the conveyor belt all of six inches away from the scanning area, and, needless to say, all up in my grill. Not only was she standing uncomfortably close, but she was literally putting her stuff on the conveyor belt inches away from the cashier. Isn’t the point of the conveyor belt to bring items at a distance a little closer? The real point being that each customer should be at a distance from one another.

I laughed as the Target cashier struggled to bag my wine and stop the conveyor belt from pushing the Lean Cuisine onto the scanner. I have to admit, she was close enough that I felt a little self conscious turning and looking at her to see what type of person would get so freakin’ close while waiting in line. The lady was close enough that I was embarrassed to look at her.

Note to self: personal space is a valued commodity.

And we’re back

Ok, so after many years (literally) of not being on Facebook, I’ve returned. I’d like to thank those of you who encouraged me to update my account. It has been a task. I have done a lot of changing, I realized, since I was last here. So here I am.